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Archive for the ‘redheads’ Category

This is a letter written by Miss Wagner during our writing workshop. We had to write to our favourite book or movie character. Miss Wagner chose a lady very dear to her heart.

Anne of Green Gables, 42 Lane Drive, Ingleside CA 7234

Dear Anne,

How much joy you gave me in my early years. Purely by virtue of our hair colour, we were both teased at school – yet both grew up to be alluring, accomplished women.

Unlike you, I was not an orphan – it always seemed rather glamorous but I can’t imagine it was easy. You had a wonderful life, but you did endure somehardships – losing one of your most precious sons in World War II.

Anne, do you have any advice as to how I might secure myself a doctor for a husband? I fear this seems overly forward. But economic considerations do play on my mind as I approach 40.

I admire you greatly and look forward to seeing what kind of moment achievements your family brings to the world over the coming years.

Your fervent admirer

Miss Dolores Wager

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Ms Gloria Harper

260 Save the Bay St

Mt Martha Vic 3678

Dear Gloria,

Rangas*against Climate Change (redheads, not animal shepherds) has identified you as a Person of Interest.  Please join our ranks.

RACC is dedicated to tackling climate change and saving the future (for the children). Of course, as an altrustic movement, we’re taking action to save all children, not just redheads.

There is a natural link between being a Ranga** and tackling global warming – we’re an endangered species, extra sensitive to pain, and not at all good in the sun – making us extremely vulnerable to the perils of harsh weather.

While the ascension of the Hon. Prime Minister Julia Gillard helped our profile, we were in fact established as early as 1802, by an ancestor of former prime minister James Scullin. Incidentally Scullin, rather than Gillard, was actually our first redhead prime minister, but this is little known because most of the photos of him are in black and white.

As a Strawberry Blonde, you will only be eligible for Class Two membership. However, you will be pleased to learn that our organization, which sanctions symbolic discrimination but hates practical discrimination, awards all our members the same rights and benefits. So effectively, Class Twos are treated as well as Class Ones (Deep Reds).

You may also be aware of recent allegations that RACC is affiliated with the fringe terrorist movement Ranger Al Bessiah, based in the Hot Valley. These maliciously generated rumours are completely unfounded. RACC is, and has always been, a purely non-violent redroots movement. We also deny all involvement with recent verbal attacks against Jennifer Hawkins. We simply do not engage in petty inter-haircolour conflict – in fact, we were the first NGO to congratulate her on her recent marriage.  

Gloria, our future is in your capable hands. Please consider filling out the attached form and making an important contribution to our cause.

Fiery Regards,

Sylvia Nockut

CEO, Rangas Against Climate Change

*Only RACC members are entitled to use the word Ranga. The term, referring to orangtans, is highly insulting. It objectifies us, making us feel like animals (albeit highly sought after, fiercely intelligent animals, possibly residing in tropical jungles). RACC makes the following point: would you call people with black hair ‘Gozzas’ (after Gorillas)?  RACC members may use the term Ranga’because by doing so, they are reclaiming it. But non-members, don’t go there.

**The spelling ‘Ranga’ has been preferred over the commonly employed ‘Wranger.’

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